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Gnome Cooking Guide |
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| Note-
these are Membersdishes only. All temperatures are in new math. For those using Celsius, the formula is 10 millimeters to a centimeter or 12 rods to the hogshead (whichever comes first). |
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| The Basics |
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| RAT STOCK- Many players miss the
opportunity of making rat stock by completing the Witch’s Potion
quest too soon. Stockpiling this simple stock is a good idea, or perhaps
getting a new player to make it for you. Louisa, cook to the late Lord
Sinclair, swears by this recipe- Special Equipment- Rat tail, clean wizards hat Collect 3 rat tails and cut into sections. Broil, turning occasionally to make sure no one’s behind you, until the tail bits are brown on all sides and crisp at the edges. Boil rapidly in a large pot of water the tail bits and common bones, skimming the surface of scammers. Add onion, guam leaf, snapegrass, some gnome spice, and half a pot of regular spice. Simmer for 3 hours. Afterwards strain through a clean, unused wizards hat and let the stock sit overnight. |
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| SIMPLE GNOME STOCK- the old
standard. The new standard looks like a yellow sun on a green background.
Either way, an excellent stock. In a large pot combine a gnome (whole) with 6 pitchers water, 6 onions, an armful of snapegrass, and juice of a lemon. Boil then reduce to simmer uncovered for an hour, skimming foam from the top. Remove the gnome and simmer for 2 more hours. Strain the stock and allow to cool. |
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| Main Dishes |
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| GNOME SURPRISE- the surprise is on
them! Special Equipment- Dragon battle axe, Halloween mask (optional). Cooking time- depending on your combat level. Lay in wait for the gnome- ready your special attack so that when your meal approaches you will spring out!! with a blood-curdling "Raarrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!" Afterwards, slice finely and separate the juices to a bowl. Whisk in half a pot of flour; to counteract the flavor of curdled gnome’s blood, add an unfinished marrentil potion. Pour the mix into a shallow pan, lay the meat in this and bake for fifteen minutes at 425 degrees. For serving, garnish the head with redberries and guam leaves. |
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| VILLAGE GUARD STEW- this excellent
dish prepares normally stringy Gnome guards in an appetizing way! Soak guards in wine overnight. In the morning, kill ‘em and chop ‘em up fine. Brown on both sides and add to soup pot, add 2 chopped onions, 4 cut potatoes, 6 sliced limpwurts, equa leaves, half a pot of spice, a jug of wine, half a bucket of water, 4 tomatoes, and bring to simmer; cook 1 hour. Drain broth and whisk into it a pot of flour; return mixture to stew and heat til thickened. Serves 6-8, or 3 pkers. |
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| QUICHE NARODE SHAREEN- for years
chefs have been serving this with King substitute; commonly known as
Mock Shareen Quiche, here is the original traditional recipe- Special Equipment- Gnome Monarch, the Gnomeinator 6000 Cooking time- a month or more. Soak seaweed and a sprinkle of soda ash in milk for thirty days, then strain out the liquid through a clean wizards hat that has been chilled in water. Keep the lumps! But don’t wear the hat. Slice, crush, or pummel gnome guards until you get a chance at the king. Once secured, grind the king through the Gnomeinator and pan fry with equa leaves, spice, and ground blue dragon scale to taste (Note that if serving to lower combat levels, half a pot of Super Anti-Poison should be added!). Sauté onions in the lumpy milk stuff, add the ground Regent, transfer mixture to two pie crusts. Crush cooking apples and put that and the cheese to the top. Beat eggs and milk and pour that over. Sprinkle with equa leaves. Bake at 350 for 30 min approx |
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| GNOME WOBBLE- a favorite dish of
Lord Sinclair, his former cook Louisa provides us with this treat! Special Equipment- Unholy Jello Mold of Zamorak Boil a pitcher of water and 3 powdered unicorn horns and 3 newts eyes until half reduced, then cool. This will make a gelatinous mixture called gelatin. In a separate pot, boil seaweed and a gnome. Add to that half a pot spice, reduce to simmer half hour and remove from heat. In a saucepan combine both mixtures over heat with doogle leaves, crushed tomatoes, the remaining spice, 2 equa leaves, and 2 eggs, stirring slowly, until the mixture reaches a boil. You may want to get someone to stir for you. Remove the pan from the heat and stir in wine of Zamorak. Optionally, pre-cooked bits of gnome may be added at this point. Pour the mixture into the Unholy Cooking Mold and chill until solid. Un-mold the Wobble onto a bed of cabbage and snapegrass. |
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| GNOME ON A ROPE- although simmered,
a tasty alternative to standard boiled gnome. Special Equipment- Rope (Ned’s Cooking Supplies and Wigs, Draynor), large cauldron Pickle the gnome using any spirits available. When soused, coax him to climb into a large cauldron by means of a handy rope. It is important that while cooking the gnome doesn’t rest on the bottom of the pot, but remains suspended. Add large bones, a guam leaf, garlic, and half a pot spice, telling your gnome it will be a soothing herbal bath. Slowly bring to a boil- gradual heating of the pot is essential so as not to give the game away. A tight-fitting lid- preferably with thumbscrews or clamps- is recommended. Reduce to simmer. Cooking time is aprox. 15 minutes per pound of gnome. Slice thinly |
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| INSTANT GNOME CRUNCHY- another
inventive example of General Khazard’s cooking! The troops call these
‘g-rations’ Pick a medium- sized gnome and a medium-sized cannon. After firing the gnome from the cannon, whatever you can find left of him goes in a mixing bowl. Add honey and crushed doogle leaves. Mix well, adding a pot of flour and water as needed to smooth the mixture. Bake at 425 for 10-15 minutes; 1-15 servings depending on the cannon. |
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| YANILLE PUDDING- another great dish
from General Khazard- as inventive as he is merciless! written in his own
words-- Special Equipment- gnome crunchy tin ‘So, yeah- this is good food to serve to troops ‘cause it’s cheap. Anyhoo, collect the drippings from next time you cook a gnome- that’s the main ingredient! ‘Beat a couple eggs, some milk, and anyone who stands in your way! Add flour a little at a time while you do that. Get the mix smooth, then leave it for a while. ‘Put some gnome drippings-- about 2 spoons of ‘em.-- in each gnome tin. Shove it in the oven and get someone else to watch it carefully so it doesn’t catch fire or smoke. If it does catch fire or smoke, you can blame whoever was watching. Sometimes they get thrown in the pit with Bouncer, sometimes I send ‘em on patrol to Ice Mountain. Sometimes I just kill ‘em, it depends on what the dish suggests. ‘Then pour the batter into each tray part, and put it back in for like, a while. Feed the troops with ‘em right away-- they come out puffed up, and look like more food. Lol! Suggers!’ |
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| Sweets & Desserts |
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| G’GNOMES- a woodcutter’s favorite,
and a delightful snack for camping trips or breaks in pk’ing! Special Equipment- an open fire, gnome crunchy tray Beat gnome senseless together with egg whites and ground unicorn horn. Chill the bits in a crunchy tray. In another bowl, mix flour, gnome spice, and an egg white. Knead and roll out very thin, then cut into cracker squares. Bake these at 250 in a preheated oven until crisp but not brown; allow to cool. When the gnome bits are no longer sticky, brown over an open flame. Place a bar of chocolate on one cracker, add a browned gnome lump, and top with another cracker. Yum! |
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| SPICED GNOMEBALLERS- Gnomeballers
are a great summer treat, here’s a summer dish that uses well their robust
taste! Special Equipment- poking stick, gnomeballer baller Cooking time- though one of the simplest of the unarmed gnome recipes, this is not one for the beginner cook-- preparation time can vary wildly depending on your agility. Tackle a gnomeballer until he stops moving. Use the poking stick to poke him a few times to make sure he won’t move again. Portion him using gnomeballer baller; combine gnomeballer rounds in a bowl with half a pot of spice, 5 sprinkles of gnome spice, equa leaves and lime juice. Drizzle with honey and chill until serving. May be served on the end of arrows. |
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| GNOME BABIES AU RHUM- Special Equipment- Crunchy Tray, whisk, Blamish snail slime/oily rod Collect 3-5 gnome children; discard ones with runny noses or pox. Some prefer to debone the gnomes for this recipe, but if you haven’t done the Legends quest, you can’t use a one. Use half a bucket of water with a mixing bowl. Add juice of a lemon, sprinkle with soda ash and let stand 5 min. Add half a pot of flour, whisking in 5 eggs (shells and all). Add powdered chocolate and the remaining flour. Cover and let this rise for 45 min. Grease baby tins with Blamish slime until nauseated, add two tablespoons of batter into each. Bake at 400 degrees until brown. For the sauce- boil a pot of water and powdered chocolate, allow to cool. Add half a bottle rum, hide the other half in a hollow tree. Dip the babies repeatedly in this before serving. |
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| BLURBERRY SUNDAE- a showpiece of a
dessert! Special Equipment- A well-trained gnome bartender (using Burberry himself is not necessary, though chefs throughout the kingdom dream of nothing else!), the Gnomeinator 6000 Cooking time- seems like an eternity. Pickle the bartender, if he isn’t already. Set your Gnomeinator to medium grind; add to ground gnome garlic and onion chopped fine and shape into balls. Bake these at 400 degrees. Next crush tomatoes with mace or similar- try not to make a mess. Add a sprinkle of flour, a pot of honey, and simmer this until thick and sweet. Add beer and return to simmer. When the gnome balls are cooked, add those to the simmering mix for 3 hours. Afterwards, cool. Dice pineapples, mix those into a bucket with sweet cream, a splash of milk, an egg, and some honey. Now climb White Wolf Mountain and find your way to a very cold spot deep with snow; bury the mixture there. You may want to choose a spot near the Ice giants, to thwart other cooks from grabbing your food. If you hide the bucket behind the Ice Queen’s throne, that alone will get you a quest point. Return for the bucket when you next remember it’s there; the mixture will be a hardened, icy cream mixture cooks call ‘Hard Icy Cream Mix’. Scoop portions into a deep dish, laying gnome rounds hither and yon. Add grapes or whatever fruit you desire, then cover all with sweet cream. Just before serving, pour brandy over the whole thing and light it on fire! |
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INGREDIENTS/EQUIPMENT Prepackaged flour can be bought in food shops-- there is one in Yanille and one in jolly Port Sarim. The Food Shops- Wydin in Port Sarim keeps in stock: Flour, moo-meat, chicken (plucked), cabbage, banana, bread (rarely), chocolate, cheese, tomato, potato. The hygiene of the store is suspect. Frenita runs a tidy shop in Yanille, offering: flour, cooking apple, chocolate, potato; and supplies pie dish, cake tin, bowl, pitcher, jug. The Cooks Guild- 2 cooking apples, grapes; supplies pot, jug, pie dish, bowl, cake tin. Lemons, limes, oranges, sweet cream, gnome spice and most spirits can be purchased in the Grand Tree (tell them it’s for a friend). Equa leaves, Doogleberries, gnome crunchy trays and other gnome specialty items can be purchased from Spice can be purchased in the Ardougne open-air market, a great tourist attraction and recommended for window-shopping of thieving. Pineapple no longer grows on trees in the kingdom-- yeah I know, things are tough all over! The now low-set plant still grows on southwest Brimhaven (around 0, 11 min south by 9,43 min east; also 0, 9 min south by 10 east). Moss giants also a good source. Bananas- Sarim shop, Karmamja, lvl 15 magic, moss giants Cheese- Draynor, food shops, respawn in the Wild bandit camp Garlic- Draynor, food shops Tomato- Draynor, food shops Onion- outside Melzer’s maze north of Rimmington; near Lummy behind the farmer’s house with the chickens out front, as in the Sheep Shearer distraction. Potato- outside Melzer’s maze and any other mazes you may find. Farm in Draynor. Cabbage- o come on now-! Like you can’t find cabbage? Chocolate- Cooks Guild. Also free in Zanaris, the Lost City-- it is the main quest reward. The Hero’s Guild has are also marked the whole area around Zanaris with signs and placards so it will never again be misplaced! Wheat- near Lummy, Draynor, in the Lost City Pizza dough respawns in the wild, at the bandit’s camp (lvl ) Honey can be obtained from beehives west of Catherby, just north of the crowd of woodcutters. (If there are no woodcutters there, it’s because they’re all on the same server trying to chop the same tree.) You may also have to wait for a game update. Mushrooms (Mushrroms)- found throughout the kingdom. Though they look poisonous, they actually aren’t- you just can’t pick them at all.
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